WHAT AM I AFRAID TO KNOW?

This is the question I took away after meeting a new contact a few days ago.

This morning I woke up to…not really fear, it was a little heaviness on my chest…an unsettled feeling in my heart….my throat feeling tight…the uneasiness of being alone in this journey…tears streaming down my face.

I’ve been on this journey of finding myself for how many years? All my life I’ve been searching for the answers to why I felt so wrong. It makes no sense to me that it’s taken this long…what I make up about it is that there were many lessons I needed to learn before I could claim who I AM.

Sometimes…no most of the time, my reasoning feels illogical but I need to make up something about why I was never supported as a child, why I allowed myself to become attached to a narcisstic misogynist and allowed myself to be devalued for so many years. Maybe it is because I needed to be this insignificant person so I could become a show of force when it was MY TIME to “come out”…Can you say, “Delusions of grandeur?” It’s my fantasy, I guess I can make up whatever the hell I want.

I’ve been searching for what I need to do and where I belong for so long now…where are the blocks? What am I supposed to be doing? Each time I get to an AH HA moment, feelings of my prayers being answered and feeling that I’m going to be propelled to wherever, whatever my purpose is, more questions come up. More unwanted events show up…just as I think that I am being led to the perfect path, it gets pulled out from under me…all I can make up about it today is that maybe I need to focus on what it means to be an Empath.

I’ve only known about the trait for three years now and to tell you the truth the first time I read about it, I was in a space of total rejection and fear. It was easier knowing about being a Highly Sensitive Personality…I guess I’m afraid of BEing me…it doesn’t feel safe to be in a world dominated by competition, corruption and greed. It doesn’t feel safe BEing ME…

Tapping Tapping Tapping
IT’S SAFE TO BE ME
IT’S SAFE TO BE ME
IT’S SAFE TO BE ME

Maybe today I need to focus on what it really means to BE ME…

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