The world we live in is not friendly to the pursuit of minimalism. Its tendencies and relentless advertising campaigns call us to acquire more, better, faster, trendier and newer. The journey of finding simplicity requires consistent inspiration. ~ Otrazhenia
Part of me tells me that I will never be satisfied until I take this journey…to tell you the truth I am having some fear…If I stay here I will be stuck in this vortex.
For a while I was starting to feel like a GODDESS, I don’t know what happened but for the past couple weeks I’m feeling more like a Wounded Warrior…looking for some strength to continue. I’m just realizing how hard it is for me to ask for help…just a Face Book post to a couple groups and I can’t find the words. I’ve never depended on public transportation, never been on a train…will I find safe quiet places and alone time when I get overwhelmed? Will this help me to start trusting my instincts?
There are a lot of times I don’t know what I need, I’m learning…I decided I’m a year older today, I am 18. In a few weeks it will be 38 years since I met the ex, I was 17 years and 50 weeks old at that time. Soon I will be celebrating the anniversary of the death of my soul. I plan on being in another country at that time, someplace I’m hoping I can feel free to be ME. I have a new look, a better attitude and still not resonating with anyone here, I’ve grown away from them all…I feel like a little girl with big dreams… with him back in town, I know he is convincing many people that I am the bitch…he can’t help it, it’s his MO…it’s what narcissist do. I don’t belong here.
I decided that I was coming back to the desert. December is a beautiful time of year here…if I had a trailer to live in, I could go back to White Tank Mountains and be a host for a while. Reality says I’ll be staying with the ex MIL until I make my next move, hopefully I’ll have some more clarity by then.
I heard that Mt Kileua has a flow that could knock out the grid on the Big Island soon…maybe there would be work for me there. Of course I’m searching for a project of my own but I’m not going to do anything if I have to do it ALL alone…sometime, somewhere, I know I will find a business partner, I have at least a million ideas.
One of the gifts I have is that I AM a Scanner…another thing that was “wrong” about me….I have a hard time focusing on one thing, I don’t like doing anything twice, I have a lot of interests, I like to find soutions, I like to think of ideas other people can do…
What other gifts can I give to the world?
Patience, empathy, stillness, seeing the value in others, looking beyond the lies, looking beyond the story…this is just a few. How do I make these gifts work for me in the “real” world?
I need to keep reminding myself that I’m building my new life from the foundation…I need to start putting up the walls soon but nothing feels right, I BELIEVE I’m being led to just play for a while…RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW I really really really need some FUN…even if it’s just for a while…