One of the reasons that Empaths and Sensitives are subconsciously drawn to Narcissists is because we come into the world wanting to fix people and things that are broken and/or unjust. We are here to help other people heal. When we enter into a relationship with a Narcissist, we spend copious amounts of time and energy trying to force lessons onto the Narcissist to correct their heart and make them more loving.
What we don’t realize is that they have their own lessons to learn, of which we cannot assist. The fact that they often don’t learn from their mistakes is a lesson in itself. In the meantime, we remain confused and hurt because we cannot comprehend how another human being seems to lack basic human decency. Because of the injustice we encounter during our time with the Narcissist, we often remain in the relationship long after we should have left because we erroneously believe they will one day “get it”.
Narcissists are also here to teach us our own lessons so that we can get to the root of our past hurts in order to remove blockages. This enables us to better assist people in healing themselves and educates us on how to deal with “dark souls”.~Kim Saeed
I’ve been thinking about how angry I was most of my life because I thought I could do it better…a lot of my anger was at my Mom many times because I didn’t see her words or actions match her life, I never really expressed it, most of my anger was always internalized…is it a curse to always feel the contrasts? Maybe this is part of the issues I’m dealing with and I feel I “should” be someplace else, I have to keep reminding myself that I’ve only been on this journey for a few short years. It takes time to adjust and yes I did allow myself to be distracted for a while…maybe obsessed would be a better description…by my Dear Dr J.
…funny that I was thinking about him earlier, it rarely happens anymore. One of the last letters he wrote was that he felt I would be a perfect partner for him and listed all the qualities he admired, BUT he didn’t think he would be right for me and that I needed to be with…how did he put that? Was it my own kind? I don’t know and I’m not going to try and find the letter but that is how I remembered it. Maybe I do need to be with my own kind…maybe I’ll find a big piece of land on the island and start a colony for sensitive souls…As much as I’d like to think I’m not here to help anyone anymore, I realize it is a natural tendency for me, maybe part of the anxiousness I feel is over wanting to “fix” something.
Why is it so easy for me to bring my inner world into my outerworld?…it really isn’t perfected yet…baby steps. I know if I find the right question to ask myself and ask it frequently enough, I will find the answer. This is one of the ways I’ve learned to change the past few years…for the most part the struggle seems to be boredom, maybe it’s about having something of my own…like a baby to nurture and love…LOL maybe not…it’s more about creating something sustainable and I guess I need to keep reminding myself there is something I’m being led to, I just need to continue to learn and accept that I’m still growing.
It’s not like I’m lacking for something to do around here, I’ve been keeping busy in the garden, learning about the new foods and creating culinary delights like lilikoi butter, I’ve been told that mine was better than the one that was purchased at the market. I tried to keep it as natural as possible using dates as a sweeter but ended up adding some raw sugar in the end. I’ve made chocolate from the cacao beans. If I have enough energy after today I’m going to make some almond joy bites out of it.
The other day I worked almost 7 hours straight reformatting the pineapple hill. I don’t know how long ago someone decided it would be a good idea to put black tarp down and cut out holes to plant them in, they were all literally hanging on by a threads and should be producing by now. I think it was out of my desire to see something completely transformed around here, I ripped out half of the tarp and plants, terraced the hill and replanted over 30 pineapple plants. After my shower, I went to bed and woke up just to eat dinner which consisted of guacamole and corn chips and slept for a total of 12 hours. It’s easier dealing with physical exhaustion rather than being emotionally exhausted.
I think I’ve always felt like my way was right, there just wasn’t anyone significant in my life validating me, now I know I need to validate myself and BELIEVE I AM in control over my reaction to life… life is working FOR me…and I AM working on giving up control, there is another force working towards my greatest good.