I think it’s important for all of us Men/Women. So continue the search (narcisstic/EMPATH relationships). It will help all of us. As an HSP I fee I am a target of all the bad and mean people in the world. I can’t see things coming at me when I am interacting with the world. As I always look for the good, and always assume that the other person will be as nice as or better than me. So anyone who is an expert manipulator of emotions can easily get to me~Jujja Mujja
I shared an article from Psychology Today on my Face Book wall, 5 Strengths of Highly Sensitive People. Every time I find some scientific, fact based evidence of HSPs I post it and rarely get more than one like. This post generated one like from a friend in Sweden, don’t know how we became friends or anything about her. And got a response from a man I met right before I met Dear Dr J:
Ron: One other trait of HSP is the uncanny ability to read through conversational crap to the true intention of others. Can be embarrassing at times and frustrating keeping silent.
ME: LOL Ron, I agree, a lot of times it’s a struggle to be quiet ;).
Ron: That makes us sound conceited you know. But then again insight is a gift.
ME: I know Ron, but my past history and current situation indicates that I don’t know everything so I keep my opinions to myself…most of the time 😉
It’s just been recently that we are communicating through Face Book. We went to lunch one day, it lasted 5 hours. He seemed to be Sensitive but said it wasn’t him. Recently I told him about HSS/HSPs and shared a link to the test after this conversation on my Face Book wall, I guess he’s decided he is. http://hsperson.com/test/high-sensation-seeking-test/…
A couple days after our lunch I met Dear Dr J in person, we had been communicating for couple weeks by then, our lunch lasted 8 hours…I really liked both men but Ron’s life felt so intense especially with kids at home. After a couple times of trying to have a phone conversation with him it felt like too much work, I took the path of least resistance and ended up falling in love…I AM over it now and just waiting for someone a lot like him to show up. I know he’s out there. The next time I will be sure we have the same dreams before I even consider dating. How can I be sure that the huMAN isn’t another narcissist?
Today I feel like I need to wake up to the reality of what this world really is, I’ve been holding on to this dream for too long….tears…do I feel tears coming? It’s been so long since that’s happened…please don’t put me in that box again…I’ve been losing track of time and space…money means nothing to me and I have no attachments to any of the “stuff”…well maybe my computer and the internet and the past few years I’ve learned to live without them for periods of time. I could live without them if I had to but what’s the use if this feels like my only connection to others like me right now?
It’s so much easier to keep the connections going when you have time to write out your thoughts rather than use your words…this is what I really need practice at and now going to the coffee/mac nut farm will be more isolation, especially in the afternoon, all my contacts are 3-8 hours ahead of me. Kula Mana…maybe if I start saying the words it will start feeling real to me. Why was I resisting saying the name? I told my Soul Sister the words feels so childlike…”I’m living in, ho now now”…what is it that I’ve always feared about BEing A CHILD, BEing so vulnerable?
Maybe I need to surround myself with HUMANS that will help me overcome the words, they have to sound perfect. The majority of my life has been avoiding being noticed and when I did I felt depleted. It was always so much easier to disengage…I’m starting to feel more comfortable with being seen. Time to work on BEing HEARD…maybe I need to work on saying the words I feel are so primary, it does feel like baby talk at times…how sad that I AM afraid of sounding childish and have a fear of not pronouncing words right. I guess this is the result of growing up with a mentally challenged person and afraid to sound undeveloped and small, maybe that is something else I need to explore.
I’m seriously thinking about updating my Plenty of Fish profile:
Searching for a highly intelligent man to play with. Someone that likes to watch sunsets or sunrise over the Pacific. Likes to forage, cook and enjoys experiencing new foods…A huMAN that wants to give back to the world… it’s a start.
I guess what I’m looking for is to feel MY MAGIC will have some influence in someone else’s life, I’ve lived vicariously through another persons view of the world for too many years…I guess I’m searching for a partner that wants to see the world through my eyes…at least half the time. I guess I’m looking for someone that will support me to see the unwanted events in life in a different way. I guess I’m looking for someone that doesn’t plan on retiring I guess I won’t know exactly what I do want, I guess it just depends on how I feel and if I feel there is an equal exchange of energy…what I call the 80/20 exchange…each person will give 80 percent…and only expect 20.
Tomorrow I’m experiencing another world, it’s only 2 miles away…I may come back here in 6-8 weeks, my room may be available again by then and the master baiter will be gone. I just found out Billy Pepper will be in charge. I feel a lot of good coming from this retreat, I hope it stays that way.