You were born knowing how to love. At birth you instinctively reached out to be held. And you held others too, embracing their fingers. Don’t let learned fears stop you from doing what you were born to do. LOVE and BE LOVED ~ unknown
The past couple mornings I woke up wondering where I was. After realizing I AM in the town I prayed for years to get out of, the town I felt trapped in after coming back while waiting for my divorce, I was okay. I may be here a few weeks longer than I originally thought but that’s okay too. I know I’m not in control anymore, I’ve surrendered to the fact that I AM just an observer and have basically handed over the parts I don’t comprehend to the Stooges…my job is to take care of ME and tell them what I want to experience…right now it’s all about the feelings, LOVE, JOY, RESPECT, COMPASSION, ABUNDANCE.
My desire is to be directed to the energy that allows me to use my gifts, however that shows up…whatever those gifts are. Maybe it sounds kind of crazy but after so many years of feeling thwarted and blocked, I’ve given up trying to make something happen. I’m reversing my approach to life, no expectations, no holding on to an outcome, no trying to do anything.
I’ve just given up, I AM tired of trying to figure it all out. I SURRENDER.
Yesterday I found a car…with the help of my Other Mother I raised the bar and got a loan for 5x’s the amount I thought I’d be comfortable with. Even today it still feels comfortable and I realized that up until just a few short weeks ago taking out a loan and being in debt felt like such an anchor. Even the thought of going to Colorado and working at a franchise restaurant isn’t bothering me…for some reason this part feels surreal but I know it will be a good lesson in managing and learning how to use the tools I’ve been acquiring since learning that I’m a sponge to the energy around me.
There is something going on I can’t explain…after my decision to reintegrate back into the “real” world, I’ve heard a few inspirational speakers talking about reintegrating…again it’s like someone has been reading my blog, once again it’s validation that there are many others on this journey…there has to be a reason and the more I learn the more I realize I don’t know a thing. I’m just along for the ride now.
No looking back, no regrets…well most of the time anyway, I AM learning how to rewrite life, I AM still learning how to navigate this life on this planet I don’t comprehend.