Today this is who I AM…
I watched a video of Jenna Forrest talking about suicidal feelings or spiritual death. She talked about how many of us have been dangling out there with no direction and not getting help…feeling isolated and alone, needing to feel a purpose especially in the past 5-7 years… is this what she really said? I guess sometimes I’m still feeling delusional but I know I’m not the only one with these feelings. She talked about herself and others wanting to end our lives because we don’t want to be in this world anymore.
I understood why Robin Williams ended his life, I actually admired his courage at that time. I feel he was tired of trying to help others SEE another REALITY. I’ve been working hard on focusing on a BEtter outCOME FOR ME…not holding on to expectations and HOLDing on to the BElief that EVERYTHING is working FOR my GREATER GOOD…I’ve worked hard trying to LET GO of outcomes and allow life to unfold KNOWING it is ALL for a greater GOOD.
I AM finding that it’s easier to detach from people places or things than to continue in their drama and to BE living in the midst of it ALL can be wearing at times…especially when I AM working hard to keep up my ENERGY, get out of my head, focus on my body and… I guess today I AM starting to feel a little overwhelmed…
I know the news is horrible and don’t want to minimize what is going on…part of the ptsd was from being captive hearing FOX News at least 8 hours a day. At times I feel delusional but it’s become easier to detach from what isn’t serving my greater good, all I want to do right now is be a 5 year old and believe in fairy tales and focus on a better outcome.
One pivotal time in my journey was when I saw a picture of a baby being crushed under the bare feet of a man…I had to accept that there is a reason for it all and that something greater than me was in charge, this is not my world and all I can do is learn to love unconditionally. The past few years have been walking away, or limiting my interaction with a lot of people in my life because they become draining. People always tell me their problems and ask for advice yet their behavior never changes so I end up feeling like a dumping ground for their fears. It’s become easier to isolate and be stuck in my own fantasy…something I’m still working on. The only thing I can change is my perception of the world, accepting that there is a reason for it all and stop the negative energy by imagining I am a river and letting it flow through me, or putting up energy shields. Most of the time it works…and at times I just want to shut down because it takes more energy than I have…just another great thing about being an Empath 🙂
I remember in one of your first notes you wrote that you were grounding in so many ways…you are right. I really think we will be good business partners, you are grounding in many ways. I really appreciate you and I appreciate your help