Yesterday this post was on INFJ-The Counselor Facebook page:
Hey guys, It’s been a long time since I last thought, “I’m freaking weird, why the hell am I this way?!” Actually I stopped believing it when I found out I wasn’t crazy, I was just an INFJ …IT could have BEen ME…IT was just another confused and lost SOUL stuck on a planet WE don’t COMPREHEND.
Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubbornness and tendency to ignore other people’s opinions. They believe that they’re right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves – there’s always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don’t often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don’t believe in compromising their ideals.~ themindsjournal.com
Yesterday was 4/22…nothing significant happened. I took a drive to the Hassayampa River, mayBE for the last TIME. My PURPOSE to go there was to get some closure and burn a journal. The journal I chose was from 2013, written while I was in Mexico….. as I tore pages out to BE consumed I read a sentence or two and realized it’s been three years and all the words WEre the same; the angst of feeling different, the sadness and regret over ALLOWing others to have control over my DESTINY…what more do I need to HEAL?
MayBE I need to FORGIVE myself for not moving forward…I need to remind myself that when I set out on this journey I had absolutely no idea who I was and had ALLOWed myself to be led. I need to keep reminding myself that I ALLOWed myself to BE denied expression of my CHILDhood wounds…denied having control of money, denied of decision making…I need to keep reminding myself that not knowing how different my thoughts and BEliefs are doesn’t mean I AM wrong…I guess I AM a little sad today that I lived my life shrouded in the veil I ALLOWed others to put ME under. LOL I know there was a reason for this LIFE; why I’ve felt so separate from this world.
Last night I spent my usual Friday evening sitting on top of the Raven with Winslow watching the sunset and solving the problems of the world. He’s BEen a constant companion for a few WEeks now and I still haven’t shared this inner world of mine with him… the mask I wear is for the most part positive and I try to be UPLIFTing despite the despair and sorrow I FEEL for the humans that are so unAWARE of the manipulation and control tptb have placed on them…not even realizing that I AM part of this EQUATION of LIFE…the fact that I allowed others to hold ME down, placed ME under a veil and silenced ME only indicates that I AM WE…I AM one of THEM…I have lived a LIFE of SELF denial; shamed and controlled BEcause I ALLOWed others to define ME.
This month marks nine months since I decided to settle down and live here in Prescott in what was originally a temporary job and a temporary bed…nine months…I AM READY to give birth to a LIFE. Next week I’ll BE interviewing for a volunteer position that I hope will EVOLVE into a permanent position… fingers crossed…I hope I pass the test…next week I’ll be buying my own bed and bedding; preparing for my BIG move to a private space…LIFE still feels temporary…I AM READY TO give BIRTH to a LIFE that is sustainable FOR ME…I AM READY for a PURPOSEful LIFE…I AM READY to live the LIFE that was meant to BE FOR ME…
Today I’ll sort through my stuff and purge what I no longer need and get ready for my big move…I AM READY for another REALITY.