What does being altruistic mean to you?
I’ve been thinking a lot about being an altruistic chameleon and the negative impact it’s had on my life.
Last year I thought I met someone who thought like me, who saw generational patterns, who noticed me; knew when I lost a couple lbs, knew when I needed a pillow or a blanket… among many other things. The last time I lay next to him while watching a movie…I don’t even remember what it was, I was so lost in the feeling; my entire body was bubbling, the effervescent feelings brought on by ASMRs. When we kissed it was like nothing I remember ever experiencing before. When we talked about businesses, most all included serving others; his moral compass appeared more evolved than mine…for some reason he started pulling away.
All I was asking when he came into my life was that something/someone would appear to help ground me, it was him. For some reason, he stopped; one of his issues was that he didn’t understand my thought process and I guess the hurt is that he wasn’t willing to grow with me…I’m still a new human, I guess I thought we were on the same path.
Today I’m feeling so lost and alone, I feel like I have so much potential and feel like being altruistic in a world that appears to be led by competition is holding me from having a place of my own…. I’m tired of trying to fit in everyone elses box. All I want is a huge house of my own where I can pull others into my peace and feel there is a value in doing so. All I want is to feel an equal exchange of energy from this world.
The other night my daughter and I had some alone time with wine and although she wouldn’t agree to the term lightworker or any words associated with it, she agreed that my job is to empower and strengthen others…
I got a message last week from a farmer in TX…I left my helpx subscription expire 8 days before; I was busy making plans to go back to AZ but after many attempts, I still haven’t gotten a response from the King…maybe this message is that I still need more experience.
In a couple weeks, I’m going to Celeste and help the farmer with his webpage, social media, fixing up a few rooms and advertising on Airbnb…among other things. I told him I would be there by the 14th if not sooner.
I don’t know why this happened, maybe it’s something I just made up in my mind (I question my reality a lot and I’m starting to feel delusional again) but as I’m mapping out my trip from my Sons new home in Sunman, I pointed my curser on the Google direction map over the route I’m taking through KY and a county name popped up, Lyon…it hasn’t happened sense, as a matter of fact I don’t even see any counties on the map…real or Memorex? What will it take to feel life is working for me? Just like it felt last year at this time, this or something better, something beyond my wildest dreams. I’m tired and I want to feel home…