Today I had a vision of a balloon…

What is the link? What is the purpose?

Today I decided to become that pink balloon. In my mind, it was attached to a string, a nondescript, plain old string, made out of multiple threads twisted into multiple cords…hanging, floating, feeling.

Although I’ve been feeling deflated the past few days the balloon was full, shining, floating, searching for a place to land. The balloon was full of whatever is holding it up while randomly floating, guided by the wind, searching for a human that can see the magic in that whatever; another being to hold on to that string and help guide it, allow it to rest, and become refueled.

Maybe today all I need; want; desire in my life is an anchor; or it could be an electrical plug; maybe a shower head…still searching for direction; still searching for an outlet to release the whatever that has been building up inside my heart for what feels like an eternity; what feels like lifetimes of watching this planet spin in a linear fashion; watching the disconnections and breaks no one else sees while staying silent…Why? Why is there no other being that wants to take that string and help me attach an outlet for that magic to start flowing? What is IT?

What would that flow look like in the real world? In a world of so many possibilities, how can one human decide? All I’m searching for is another being to share the pleasure, play, and fun I seek…where is, what is the adapter that helps me realize how to release whatever that magical stuff is inside that keeps me floating? What is IT that’s been stuck inside for what feels like an eternity?

Just another day of pushing myself, building, doing, dreaming…

Grateful for the bathshack I helped create, grateful for the opportunity to work on projects on the farm…how is this life sustainable for me when there isn’t a feeling of a safe landing; when there isn’t an outlet to release or share these feelings; thoughts; desires?

The thought of creating a safe place for my grandchildren is feeling kind of overwhelming today…


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